Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
