I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
