The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
