Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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