you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
