Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
