Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
