everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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