i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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