She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
