i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
