sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
