Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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