clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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