Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
this hospital has no fireball
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Holy shit dude........stairs
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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