jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
