I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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