My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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