I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
