she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
