Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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