do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
