You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
