Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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