i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
