you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
