I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
