forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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