So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
