I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
