he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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