Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
