i just wanna soil my oats bro
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
