@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
