Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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