Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
