I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
