The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
