Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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