Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
