I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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