I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
