At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this beer tastes like vomit already
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
sarcasm needs its own font
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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