Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
