We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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