Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
