i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
