We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
