loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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