And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
