Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
