What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You were trust falling into bushes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
