i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
