weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
