it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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