my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
